Happiness Looks Good on You

This past weekend someone told me I seemed happier and lighter.

And they’re not wrong.

I wanted to write about this for the longest but I was not sure how to broach the topic. Yes, we all have mess and the way the world is going it just seems heavier, but here lately I’ve just decided to breathe.

It is easy to focus on the weight on your soul and honestly, I needed to for a bit. I needed to put it out there. Rather it be on here, in my journal, or on my weekly walks with friends. I felt like I was repeating myself. I appreciated them listening and letting me rant about the same topics while offering gentle advice. But I needed to dump it all out. Then I had to cry.

I felt like I had been holding all this pressure in and so much negativity that I could not let go of it. Ironically, it happened at the end of my annual review when my sister reminded me that what I do matters, and no matter what I always have value. It was what I needed to hear. I had been going through the motions, not even realizing it. In that moment, it really hit me I was on the other side and I could exhale.

I have found that happiness and joy are needed during those moments of hardship. I am never above telling someone to treat themselves, even if it’s small. You have to create those opportunities for you to smile throughout the day. This could be as simple as going to brunch, going to the movies, or doing your makeup to take on your day.

I can say I am smiling more. I am engaged in conversations. I actually feel present. My conversation with friends have changed. Now it’s actually about future plans and random funny things happening in life. After feeling like I was drowning, I came up for air.

I look back through all that I have been through the last 18 months. I can truly say it was a necessary evil. Which is crazy. I actually communicate my feelings, even the tough ones. My smile seems genuine and my laugh comes from my soul. They always say it will get better, but you just never know when you arrived at the moment.

It serves as a reminder, we all have mess. We all have messy chapters. I will say process during those times. Assess your feelings and allow yourself to feel them. One day, you will look up and see that things have gotten better.

Now don’t get it twisted, I still have doubts. I still think about my goals (or sometimes my lack of them). I think about if I have failed, or the weight of the world and being a good citizen. Then I remember, even Malcolm X had to laugh and living is resistance in itself.