Sorry to Disappoint You.

You’re always going to be a disappoint to someone. Well maybe not that extreme, but you may do something that displeases them or causes disappointment in the moment.

And honestly that is okay. I can wholeheartedly admit so much of my decision-making is based off what will make someone else happy. By someone else I mean my mother and God. Or should I say the example of God I have been given by my mother. Now that I have grown up, not at home (with no plans of ever going back), and being in my space, I can honestly say that fear has kept me quiet. All my thoughts and beliefs just staying inside me. That is the shame.

So with that, yeah I know that being myself with my own beliefs and thoughts will definitely not always leave me as agreeable and that is okay.

So let’s run down the list - I love rap/hip-hop, really music in general (I grew up in a house where I literally had to sneak it. I remember my brother being berated when my mom found his Three 6 Mafia album). I like to go out and have a good time. A glass of wine does not hurt anybody. I cuss…a lot (working with kids has definitely allowed me to decrease a lot so shout out to them). I do not think premarital sex is going to put you in hell. Honestly, didn’t think marriage was for me and was content to just “shack up.” I do not feel too strongly about LGBTQ+ community. I honestly feel like EVERYONE deserves acknowledgement, respect and access to the appropriate healthcare. Those that do feel very strongly just make me think, “Why are you so concerned with someone else’s bedroom? Do you want to join? Just say that.” It also makes me think you have never talked to anyone that lies in the spectrum because they are just people - move with kindness and respect. Step in when you see someone being treated unfairly. Simple enough. The conversation of “gay son or thot daughter” is just utterly stupid because most of y’all should not be having kids anyway - especially if you ask this. Maybe focus on what if they are born with a disability - how are you going to work through that? Or if you and your partner “agree to disagree” on moral issues and you still have a child with them?

That is just the tip of the iceberg of my brain dump. And you know what? I KNOW this is going to displease/annoy someone else and you know what? Who cares? I am my own person. I am allowed to be complex and have feelings on different topics.

I think that is the beauty of allowing yourself to grow and change. Yes, it may let someone else down, but if they really care, they will adjust and if not, you know how to keep moving.

Maybe I really just wanted to pour out this piece of myself that I really keep to myself and just vent. But I think that is the conversation - what is disappointment? And I am talking about the moral items, not you know things that cause harm to other clearly. Why does it appear when you stand up for what you believe (well in my case)?

Even when I started this blog, I wanted to be honest. However, I found myself writing things (at least my last post) that were palatable. That made the reader feel good, but did not really give any insight to me. Let’s be real - ya’ll are here to read what I write.

I can say I am a little disappointed that I am almost 29 and just now saying all of this. I wish I would’ve used my voice much sooner. It’s hard to be present when you are always having to put a filter on yourself or have an internal conversation. If there is anything you can glean from this, be confident in who you are and trust those that really love you want to hear what you have to say.

Take a deep breath and know that someone somewhere may be fuming, hating, annoyed, or whatever, but YOU are happy and that is what matters.